Word Count – 300
Well, tonight is a pretty exciting night for me, folks. I’m going to be doing a set tonight at the Standard Tavern in Winnipeg at 8:30. I mentioned this earlier, but this is a friendly reminder to get your ass to the show and make me respect you.
As an added bonus, I have decided to run a little contest. To any of you who actually read this site, tonight I am offering a very special, once in a life time opportunity to hear some of the most horrible secrets I have been keeping to myself for years. I am not kidding. Anyone who comes up to me tonight at the Standard Tavern, between 8pm and 11pm, mentions this post and asks me any of the following questions will recieve the 100% true answer without hesitation.
This is shit that I have been playing really close to the vest for a number of years, and since I can offer no monetary rewards to get people to come to this show, this is the best I have to offer.
This contest is only running tonight, after which I will never reveal the answers to these questions to anyone ever again. The offer extends to one person at a time only, and you may only choose one.
– The actual date, time, and place of where I lost my virginity.
– The location of one of my close relatives sizable drug stash.
– The people I have known in my life who have had abortions.
– The location and duration of my first and only homosexual experience.
– The story of the most sacrilegious place I’ve masturbated.
– What I did in the movie theatre durring a screening of the film Tomcats that nearly got me banned from said theatre for life.
– The names of no less than 5 of the historic buildings in Canada I have urinated on.
– My actual name.
See you tonight. To those I don’t see, enjoy your continued ignorance.
– “J.D. Renaud”